I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Randomize
