His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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