You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
