imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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