YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
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