all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
You may now shotgun with the bride
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
