i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
we're making bets on your personal life
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Pants are for mortals
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
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