walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
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