I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Randomize
