Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
