someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Randomize
