Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
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