New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
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