I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I'm like, not good at living.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
