dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Your cock deserves a montage
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.