a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
25 Women On How They Let Their Oblivious Partners Know They Want To Bone
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Tumblr User Tells Story About A ‘Demon Gets Adopted By A Grandma’& It Needs To Be A F**king Movie
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE