Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
What drink are we having for lunch?
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
