I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
this boner is exhausting
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
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