so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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