After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
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I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
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I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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