If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Randomize
