Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
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