I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Randomize
