Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
