If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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