My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Randomize
