lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
