Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
