I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
