My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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