omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I am naked and annoyed.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
