It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Randomize
