i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
