a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
