Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
im six kinds of drunk right now
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Randomize
