Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I don't deserve a penis
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
