So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize