Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
