Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
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