I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
