Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
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