At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Randomize
