I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
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Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
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Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman