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Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
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