Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Me. At least after what I've been through.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.