Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
