A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
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