I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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