no, he came in my armpit
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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