Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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