Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
