So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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