Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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