People in love make me want to vomit
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
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