I am in a vortex of obligation.
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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