Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
