walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
