Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
