i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
splinters make it hard to masturbate
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
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