He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
