Texts From Last Night

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  (480): View more from Arizona

  WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.

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  (480): WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE. http://tfl.nu/0o9o
  Replies (4) Good night (684) Bad night (1841)
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  (361): View more from Texas

  Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??

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  (361): Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture?? http://tfl.nu/iimu
  Replies (11) Good night (5599) Bad night (726)
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  (253): View more from Washington

  i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?

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  (253): i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class? http://tfl.nu/um7r
  Replies (46) Good night (2081) Bad night (4629)
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  (713): View more from Texas

  she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?

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  (713): she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful? http://tfl.nu/75hl
  Replies (123) Good night (47243) Bad night (1857)
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  (303): View more from Colorado

  Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon

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  (303): Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon http://tfl.nu/wym2
  Replies (3) Good night (1904) Bad night (623)
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  (630): View more from Illinois

  i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo

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  (630): i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo http://tfl.nu/10yt
  Replies (5) Good night (2567) Bad night (964)
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  (817): View more from Texas

  then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.

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  (817): then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand. http://tfl.nu/4p59
  Replies (6) Good night (1311) Bad night (953)
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  (614): View more from Ohio

  I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.

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  (614): I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia. http://tfl.nu/a7rk
  Replies (5) Good night (470) Bad night (857)
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  (804): View more from Virginia

  You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick

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  (804): You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick http://tfl.nu/kw0t
  Replies (1) Good night (398) Bad night (1085)
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  (843): View more from South Carolina

  So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...

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  (843): So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight... http://tfl.nu/ph6r
  Replies (4) Good night (597) Bad night (389)
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  (627): View more from California

  Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.

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  (627): Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time. http://tfl.nu/xynl
  Replies (7) Good night (2318) Bad night (383)
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  (778): View more from British Columbia

  First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work

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  (778): First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work http://tfl.nu/03ii
  Replies (12) Good night (2281) Bad night (379)
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  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.

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  (603): I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success. http://tfl.nu/py46
  Replies (3) Good night (733) Bad night (317)
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  (815): View more from Illinois

  And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily

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  (815): And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily http://tfl.nu/5rme
  Replies (2) Good night (523) Bad night (235)
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  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.

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  (202): As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap. http://tfl.nu/n79z
  Replies (19) Good night (1301) Bad night (318)

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