Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room